It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
