hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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