I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you made out with another girl for some wings
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
