just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
