Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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