she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
