i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
