I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude i'm inner monologue high
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
