You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
