she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize