we have officially lost it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
