Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
