go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
