all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
