My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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