Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
