I miss vodka workout Fridays
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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