her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
