Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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