before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
