Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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