the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
