sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I believe in your delicious
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize