so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
