Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
