why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
