I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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