so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
