Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
