This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
