Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
