You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
