My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
50% drunk capacity currently
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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