I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
