I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
