Operation Purity has been aborted
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
