My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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