does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
