sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize