Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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