I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
