those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
