Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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