Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
