i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
