Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
