drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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