i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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