I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
