yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
