I faked an abortion last night.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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