i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
