what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
