help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
