Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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