We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I love having hate sex.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
