No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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