just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
