I am in a vortex of obligation.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
