I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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