Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
