That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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