We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize