If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
