i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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