Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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