All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
