'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
